Fear · growth mindset · Mandy Froehlich · reflections

When Setting a Goal Isn’t Enough

When you set a goal, what does that look like for you? Do you write it down? Tell the world on Facebook or Twitter to hold yourself accountable? Or do you keep it as a secret and just keep hoping that it works out? Praying that things fall into place? Someone figures out what your goal might be and helps you? Do you take it on like a challenge? Full steam ahead?

My relentlessness and tenacity have always pushed me to continue to work toward something that seems impossible. It is not that the vast possibilities of outcomes of my decisions don’t frighten me, it’s that the fear of not achieving something that I’ve set my mind to is greater than my fear of trying. I am petrified of missing out on something that might be amazing and beautiful and phenomenal because I was afraid to put myself out there. That fear drives me every day.

This does not hold true for everyone, however.

I have a friend who is a teacher. He recently expressed a professional goal to me and at first, I was so excited for him because I could see his passion and the potential he had for reaching it. But, as I’ve further discussed reaching this goal and other issues with him, I’ve come to realize that he has set up every roadblock imaginable for himself to not reach the goals. If you can’t see yourself reaching the goal you set, how do you expect anyone else to? I look at him and see the potential for growth and happiness and it kills me. I see how changes that he might make could make him a happier person, but he is too afraid to take the steps needed to reach the goals necessary to make that happen. He has the tools, has everything he needs, but his fear of making a mistake is greater than his desire to reach his goal. Greater than the fear of not becoming the person he wants to be. So, for the time being, the potential stays only potential. Potential to reach his goal. Potential to be happier. Potential to change his life. But, you can’t create meaningful change on potential alone. At some point, action needs to be taken.

My friend, Melody McAllister, recently sent me this quote:

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This quote sums up why I embrace my relentlessness like a good friend. Why I put myself out there, why I make difficult changes and decisions, why I do what I say I’m going to do. Why I work hard and move forward even when what needs to be done ranges from “not exactly what I wanted to do” to “one of the most difficult decisions of my life”. Because at the end of the day, when I look back at everything I’ve accomplished, I would rather be a little bruised than to know that I never showed up in the first place. And when people say it can’t be done, I want to giggle and show them how I did it. The best way to entice me to accomplish something is to tell me I can’t.

I would venture to say that fear is one of the most powerful drivers of our decisions whether it is stopping us from something or begging us to keep going. To say that I continue on my path because I don’t fear failure, fear looking like a fool, or fear making a mistake so gigantic that I can’t go back would be completely inaccurate. I am typically scared as hell that I’m going to do all these things several times over. The difference is that I don’t allow my fear of those things be the driver of my decisions. As I work with more people in the education world, I’m finding that this is a common characteristic of people who have created change in the face of adversity when others said that they couldn’t, regardless if it’s a teacher in a classroom, an administrator of a school district, or a keynote speaker at conferences. We could all use a little more tenacity, a little more grit. After all, what is the point in becoming passionate about goals we set if we are not willing to do what needs to be done to reach them?

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